follow the fat girl. a weight loss blog

Tonight, for the first time since its series finale in 1993, I watched Doogie Howser, M.D. It was one of my favorite shows. I was a bright kid, and I loved the thought of someone young being able to do all these wonderful things. I was also madly in love with Doogie. The pilot aired in 1989. I had just started the first grade. The original Bush was president with Dan Quayle as his wing man. It was long before my hopes of marrying Neil Patrick Harris were dashed by the revelation that he was actually gay, because were he not a homosexual, I would have totally had a shot at tying the knot with him. :)

Mama,*Dad, and I would watch Doogie together every week. Sometimes my granny would watch it with us, with only the occasional remark that she would never have a boy that young tend to her medical needs. Tonight, the theme song acted as a time machine of sorts. I found myself humming every note as it played and before the end, I was nearly in tears. I was a kid again, sitting in the floor or in one of my parents’ laps. My dad was still alive. Life was a little bit simpler. At the end of tonight’s episode, which was the one where Doogie had to remove his girlfriend’s appendix, the date he typed in his journal was October 18, which was the day we lost my dad in 1997 after a long battle with cancer. It was almost like a wink from Heaven, him saying he was still with us, in the room with Mama and me tonight. All these years later, Doogie Howser, M.D. still had a message for me. The first one came many years ago.

Even though I had always written and told stories, even before I was old enough to write them down for myself, the first episode of Doogie was one of the times that stick out in my mind when it comes to writing. At the end of each episode, he would sit down on his old-school computer and start typing his journal for that day. Blue screen, white letters, and his thoughts. At six years old, I felt an overwhelming force within me, guiding me to a keyboard, to expel all my thoughts, hopes, and dreams into something tangible. It was as though something was telling me that not only would I be a writer one day but that I already was one.

I had an absolutely amazing childhood and perhaps the saddest thing about it is that it slipped away before I could fully appreciate all the beauty, innocence, and potential that lay within it.  I can keep it alive in my heart, mind, in the lives of the children around me, and by choosing to see the world as a glass half-full. I’m glad I never lost touch with the six-year-old Christy. She is an important part of who I am and I have learned some very important lessons from her – self-esteem, confidence, dreaming without rules, hope and a world that is full of promise and opportunity and nothing can keep me from taking it by storm.

* PS – Like another television show from the 80’s, I have two dads, but it’s nothing scandalous like the television show. The Dad that many of you know is “Daddy Frank”, my birth dad. He is an absolutely wonderful man who is very much alive. :) He always has been and remains such an important part of my life. He has always encouraged me to stay true to myself and believes in me unconditionally, even when I haven’t. He has always been there for me and not only is he an awesome father, he is one of my very best friends.

100 Pounds to Christmas

As for the holidays, Christmas is my favorite. I love everything about it: picking the perfect present for the people you love, the decorations, the songs, and most importantly, the real reason – celebrating the birth of Christ. For these reasons, I chose Christmas as my first major goal date. I’ve named it the 100 Pounds to Christmas project. Here are the details:

Start Date: September 25, 2011
Starting Weight: 354.4 lbs
Goal Weight: 254.4 lbs
Current Weight: 327.3 lbs
Lost Thus Far: 27.1 lbs

It may seem like a stretch trying to lose a hundred pounds in the span of 116 days, but I believe in dreaming big. I’ll try my best – eat right, exercise, plenty of water, and avoid Cheetos and chewy caramel candies as though they were explosives. If I don’t reach my goal, I will have given it my best and still have steady weight loss to show for it. But for the record, twenty-seven pounds in the first twenty-five days seems like a great start to me.

Face-Lift

You may have noticed things look a little different around here. I was unhappy with my old layout for a long time. While I thought it was incredibly cute when I purchased it, it just didn’t suit my needs. The navigation was terrible. Pages were hidden beneath the surface, unreachable, due to generic, unrelated graphic link menu. The list goes on and on. It seemed a little busy to me, and I wanted the main focus of the blog to be my posts, not how cute the layout was.

After searching for months, I found this one and simply adore it. For one, it matches the one I’m using on my upcoming author website, only using a different color scheme. It’s so much cleaner and I feel like the emphasis is on my words. It’s easier to get around, and you can actually get to all the pages. It uses the Genesis framework, so it’s super customizable. I’m still working on revamping and adding more information, resources, and my story. Let me know what you think about it.

It has been a month since the last time I blogged. By this point, you all know I’m really lame when it comes to excuses, so I’ll save you the time and frustration. However, let me tell you how I’ve came back around to my passion and love for it.

When I would hit bumps in the road, I would find myself retreating, hiding in a corner and finding every excuse to not blog. I was embarrassed. If I couldn’t proudly state that I had lost 15 lbs in a day and a half (kidding), that would be boring and possibly mean I’m a failure and therefore everyone on the Internet would think I was too.

Truth is, regardless if I blogged or not, it didn’t change a thing, except for people wondering where I had went and why I had became so flaky. Dan always asks me when my last blog was. He knows how much it has meant to me over these last few years. I’ve been running into people I know and they ask me why I haven’t been blogging. The final straw was from an unlikely source: a new friend on Twitter.

Erica (@ericaluckedean) and I started following each other because we are both writers who were looking to connect with others. She has since become one of my best “Twitter” friends. There is also something I see in her I used to see in myself – her excitement over her blog. This woman is ridiculious. Every. Single. Day. Doesn’t miss a day. She talks about it with such enthusiasm and devotion I feel as though her site may actually be one of her offspring.

I never stopped having a special place for my blog in my heart, but I let the quest for perfection and fear of failure steal my enthusiasm. Well, enthusiasm is contagious and hers is worth catching.

P.S. – Erica’s husband has made a deal with her that if she can get 1,000 Twitter followers and 300 blog followers, she will never have to cook again.

After watching a rather gruesome episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, I decided to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time – become a vegetarian. I say this lightly, in that I’m still eating seafood on occasion. I eventually want to siphon that out of my diet, but I also recognize it’s a big change to my eating habit. Since late May, I haven’t eaten any pork, beef, or chicken.

The biggest change I’ve seen is how aware it makes me of what I eat. Now I have to really think and plan my meals. Eating out has been a big change as well. I seem to be eating at places that are healthier. For example, at Hardee’s, the only thing I can eat on their menu is fries or onion rings. That’s not conducive to losing weight. It’s also not nutritious or filling. So I’m finding places like Subway to be a better choice for me. It’s making a difference.

I feel better. I don’t know if it’s psychological or if there could have been hormones or preservatives in meat I used to eat. I have to plan so I get enough protein, because after all, a successful diet/lifestyle is balance. So far, it’s working out great for me.

What changes have you made in your life that have spilled over into your weight loss efforts?

The only people who will tell you there is a magic pill, shake, or solution for weight loss are on infomercials at three o’clock in the morning. Any medical professional or person who has struggled with their weight will tell you that’s BS. And it is. BST is a more accurate acronym for what it takes. Blood. Sweat. Tears. Blood may seem a bit extreme, unless you’re someone who’s fallen on the treadmill before while it was on. Not that it’s ever happened to me…. :)

However, even though there is no magic wand, there is something almost magical, or rather miraculous, that occurs when I start truly watching what I put into my body. I’ve long been a Weight Watcher. I love the program, and for me, it’s easy to manage in the grand scheme of the weight loss world. From last Monday to yesterday, I lost 11 lbs, just watching portion size and trying to work in more physical activity. Excited with the progress I’d made and seeming to be back on the wagon mentality wise, yesterday, I started tracking my points again.

Like the many times before, I eat more when I’m tracking as opposed to not. I don’t think that Harry’s nearby waving his wand. For me, I eat more when I know that I can. I have my point goal to hit every day, and when I know that this bag of popcorn is X number of points, I’m not afraid to eat that cup of yogurt, because I know I’m within my point range. When I’m not tracking, I’m super careful. Though rarely hunger, I’m afraid I’ll go too far or get too much.

This isn’t to promote WW, though I feel that it’s the program for me. When you’re journaling your food, you have a better gauge for where you are for the day and where you need to be. So whether you count carbs, calories, or points, journal your food. You’ll be accountable for what you eat, and you just might be less hungry after all.

I know it would seem that this blog is more of a quarterly than a daily journal, or weekly for that matter, and I’m sorry. The truth is that even though I haven’t been blogging, it doesn’t mean that my weight and health has been any less important to me. I would love to tell that during my digital absence, I was spending a healthy amount of time in the gym, counting and measuring my portions, and avoiding any food that wasn’t wholesome and filling. I haven’t. Granted, I haven’t been eating peanut butter with a ladle or diving in a carton of ice cream with an ice cream scoop instead of a spoon, but I haven’t been doing the things that I should.

I have a tendency to be all or nothing. Tendency is probably not the best word for it. That’s just how I am. I either go into something running on all cylinders, or I float gently around in a lake, grasping at lily pads whenever the mood hits me. It’s a part of me that I’m not happy with and I am, more and more every day, trying to overcome that part. The truth is… I let my weight slip me down into a physical and mental depression, sometimes without even realizing it. I am an emotional eater on my best of days, and there are times, more often than not, I would rather take the easy way out.

When I blog, I become very aware of where I am on the scale and on my path to a healthier me. I feel so guilty if I don’t sign on and report, “Guess what? I lost 51 lbs since yesterday!” For some reason, I’ve put weight loss blogs, at least mine anyway, into this trim, pretty idea it should be only about that… weight loss. All good and no bad. The truth is, and I just realized this today, the chronicle of my weight loss journey I call my blog, Follow the Fat Girl, isn’t just about weight loss. It’s about that road, that journey to something better for myself. There will be potholes along the way and days I feel like seeing how many Oreos I can eat until I’m forced to curl up into a ball to ease stomach pain that would make a grown man cry.

I have also realized that my outlook on my blog is very similar to my outlook and opinions on what will make me beautiful. So often, we try to fit into someone else’s version of beautiful. If I could only be small, slimmer, taller, shorter, then…. THEN I would be beautiful. I have come to accept many things about myself. I know that my breasts will always be closer to my belly button than my chin. I will never be petite or dainty. However, I will always be one thing…. Me. It’s time I start to appreciate that and accept that. My weight doesn’t make me anymore or any less beautiful. My weight affects my health, and I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be. One day, sooner rather than later, I will be a slimmer, healthier version of myself, but no more beautiful that I am today.

I think I’ve somehow managed to fall into a time warp. I knew it had been a minute since I had blogged last, but I thought surely it was sometime at the end of November when I last posted. I looked at the date… September 16^th… WHAT? Three months. Seriously. Sometimes it seems like the time just flies. Have you ever seen the commercial where the people are getting into the elevator that’s a rollercoaster? “Everyday, it’s getting faster… going faster than a roller coaster…” That’s what it’s felt like here lately.

Things have been crazy lately. Not bad crazy. Just busy. Life is good, and I’m truly blessed in so many ways. I’ve been working from home, mostly writing and doing some consulting work on the side, which is also a blessing. That means more of setting my own hours when I want to work and having time to be there for my family. Dan and I moved into the house. :) That’s been some work getting stuff moved in and arranged. We still have more stuff to do, but it’s fun to have an ongoing project so to speak. I still have a ton of stuff at my mom’s, but she lives literally right next door so it’s just a matter of toting it out her back door and into our front door.

There have been different appointments to tend to, too much to really elaborate on what should be a somewhat concise post. With all the running and doing, it’s been good for me though. It keeps me busy, on my feet, and moving. It’s also a blessing to be able to do things that need to be done and serves as even more inspiration to continue on my marathon to better health so I’ll be healthy for years to come.

One thing to always remember… Sometimes things do get crazy and chaotic and it’s easy to slide into that “rollercoaster” feeling. Always slow down enough to live in the moment, regardless of how busy you may be. That’s my goal right now is to be present. Enjoy life and all its moments. That’s one thing that you never get back is each passing moments. You have the memories. We get one chance. Make it count and cherish every moment. I know I am. God bless.