Posts Tagged ‘weight loss’
July
promises.
People who know me well, and even some that don’t, know that I’ve always had a problem with anxiety. I tend to worry about things I know I can’t change and occasionally agonize over things that really don’t amount to much in the grander scheme of things. I’ve learned over the years why I do it, but that’s another day, another blog. I’ve gotten better over the last few years, and I’ve found peace in truly praying the serenity prayer. It’s good to put things in perspective. Still, this weekend, I’ve fretted the whole time.
This evening around 5:30, I took my state/national certification exam to be licensed for Property and Casualty Insurance. I’m already licensed for life and health, so you would think I wouldn’t have freaked out that much about it. But no… not me. I woke up the morning with the pending sense of dread. I just knew I was going to fail it. We had a 500-page manual that we’ve read and studied for only this past week, and there were just so much stuff in it and the eccentricities of it were a lot for my brain to process in such a short amount of time.
My friends and family have been so supportive, with texts and phone calls to wish me luck and let me know they would be praying for me. I started out praying I’d pass it. Then I prayed if it was God’s will for my life, I’d pass it. Then finally, I just prayed for peace. And it came.
Walking out after I had finished the test, I just knew I had failed. It was honestly one of the hardest tests I’ve ever taken, including college finals. The man printed off the paper and laid them on the desk. I looked down and was so surprised. I’m happy to say I’m now licensed to sell property and casualty insurance in all 50 states! :) I called a few people, and while talking, I told them it was just by the grace of God. I meant it, but it didn’t really hit me until I pulled back in at the office that it all clicked in my head.
As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw this perfect, beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky. Then it hit me. God’s promise.
He doesn’t always promise that we’ll get exactly what we want or think we need. He promises He will never leave us. I couldn’t help but start crying. It dawned on me that no matter what I may going through right now, He’s there and I can do anything with His strength, and even if it doesn’t turn out the way I might like, He’s still there, holding my hand. It wasn’t if I passed or failed but about knowing that I never walk alone.
Sometimes I get discouraged with many things, especially the weight loss BATTLE. Sometimes I wonder if I’m always going to be fat, feeling like a prisoner in my own body. But today, I realized that I can do it, through Him. He wants good things for us, and I need to stop relying so much on my own strength and allowing myself to be defeated by an anxious attitude. I can do this. You can do this. There is light at the end of this tunnel. God bless.
January
2010 goals.
I’ve decided I don’t like the term resolution. Don’t get me wrong. Based on the meaning of the word, it’s great. You resolve to do something. With me, it just reminds me of the dozens of resolutions I’ve dropped the ball on in the past. So I’m making goals for this year. Here are a few things I want to accomplish in 2010.
- Be a better person. (Christian, daughter, girlfriend, friend, blogger, etc.)
- Lose 150 lbs. This will put me at my goal weight of 175 lbs.
- Sign the book deal for Tur-ni-kit.
- Write something every day.
- Write four new novels, including one blog novel.
- Write my memoir about my weight loss journey.
- Write four short stories.
- Publish one of the short stories in a literary journal.
What are your goals this year?
May
just keep moving.
I’ve lost 89 lbs now. The always critical side of me wants to say, “You could be so much further along by now. You were dragging your feet.” But the realistic, let’s not dwell in the past but focus on today says, “Good job. Keep going.”
The truth is I’ve had good days, bad days (er, weeks), up, downs, and everything in between. So many times I’ve wanted to compare this most recent venture to a few years back when I lost a significant amount of weight. But I have to stop doing that. I’m learning to take the positive from that situation (I KNOW I can lose it if I just try) and learn from the negative (slowly going back to old habits). I’m so anxious to get this weight shed off once and for all that I get restless. But the truth is, if I wanted it that, I need to start showing on the outside how bad I want it on the inside.
I haven’t truly exercised in such a long time, and I’m still losing weight (albeit much slower). Imagine if I started back the difference it would make. It’s not that I can’t exercise. It’s just that I’ve let it slide as a priority. I do have a lot going on in my life right now, with writing and moving and so on, but what good will any of it be without my health.
And I don’t care what anyone says exercise is crucial to lifestyle changes. It builds muscle, keeps your heart healthy, and sets your body into being the toxin, fat-flushing machine it’s supposed to be. The diet gimmicks that say, “Lose X pounds without diet or exercise”… Tell me. What is the point in that? The ultimate reason for losing weight for me is to be as healthy as I can possibly be. Sure, I’m “healthy” for the most part, but that doesn’t last forever. I’m not getting any younger, and the older you get, the harder it gets. If you lose weight, but don’t improve your health, then really, what’s the point?
So here’s my commitment. Starting this coming week, I promise to walk at least 30 minutes a day, five times a week. If you see me or talk to me, ask me about it. Put me on the spot. And if I tell you no I haven’t, call me out. God has truly blessed me with great health despite my terrible choices in the past, and I need to start showing Him how grateful I am.
February
the weight loss hokey-pokey.
I went to the doctor today for a follow-up from last month. In the last month:
- I’ve lost 20 lbs.
- My systolic dropped 10 points. It went from 130/80 last month to 130/70 today.
- My resting heart rate dropped 11 points.
And I weighed this morning and I lost a little more than 6 lbs this week. Yay. So today I was able to see the payoffs on the health side of this whole thing. And after all, that is what it’s all about.
February
i’m a big kid, look what i can do.
Thankfully the weight that I had gained last week came back off just as quickly as it came on. I haven’t weighed today (I left my scale at Danni’s house ::GASP:: ) but I’m going to weigh in the morning. Last week, I weighed 362.4, up about 5 or so lbs from the week before. Even though I’ve been working harder than ever. But instead of getting on a pity party, I just kept drudging through it, eating right and going to the gym. The weight’s came off. I could tell that it was water weight because my legs looked like giant water balloons stuffed into pasty-white panty hose.
Oh, and yesterday, I did 45 minutes on the elliptical. Who says fat people can’t work it? I’ll write more later. Just wanted to touch base.
February
thank God for friends.
Just so you know, I’m the luckiest person in the world. No really… I am. I have talked to so many people who don’t have anyone who supports them or is a positive influence on their weight loss efforts. I’m so blessed to have SO many people who are supportive of me. I’m going to write a big post with specific of each wonderful person in my life, but here is just an example of how it helps me.
I went to the gym by myself for the first time on Sunday. I’ve been to the gym plenty of times by myself but not this most recent stint. I’m used to having Jen, Danni, (BFFs)and usually Ace there with me. It makes such a big difference when you aren’t alone. I’m more motivated when they are there. Granted, I’m not saying being alone is any reason to be a whiney slacker, but I didn’t realize just how much that affected my overall mood. One of the best things is when Jen will look at me with this big smile on her face when she sees I’m going for a long time and not giving up. She and I can communicate without talking anyway, so her smile says it all. Then the support from my mama and Dan (BFFF :) ) is limitless too. Dan would always get upset with me for calling myself fat, and I never really understood why. If it didn’t bother me, why should it bother him? But I realized soon why he did that. And that’s another post as well.
Still, I hope that you all have someone in your life who is a positive support for you. And if not, reach out. And I’m always here and will support you the best way I can long distance! :)
February
plus size activewear is not an oxymoron.
So I went to Wal-Mart today to pick up a pair or two of workout pants, track pants, whatever you wanna call them. I have this one pair from there that I have wore until there should be holes in it and they are my favorite. However, they are getting a little too big for me. Good problem, right?
So I go and before they had an entire section with this make of pants in a variety of colors. I’m looking… looking.. nothing. The only thing they have is sweatpants. You know, like the thick cotton that makes you feel like you have bugs crawling all over you and make you sweat before you make it from the locker room to the floor. Impressive.
So finally I find an active wear section that is right beside the plus size section. Thank goodness. I look at the sizes… S, M, L, XL. XL IS NOT PLUS SIZE! Are fat people not supposed to exercise? Apparently it’s expected if you are fat, you should stay like that or wear hideous, uncomfortable clothes to remind you of what a mess you’re in. I don’t think so.
I finally found an XXL Danskin exercise pant that I bought, knowing that I couldn’t wear it. I knew I couldn’t wear anything but a XXXL or maybe bigger, depending on how it was made. Much to my surprise, I got home and tried them on… AND IT FIT! Wahoo! Yeah for me and my getting smaller fat ass. Even though it frustrated the grits out of me at the store, it ended up being a rewarding experience over all.
February
i’m a winner, and i’m a loser.
♪ I play my music in the sun ♪
But I promise I’m not a midnight toker. So I know that’s not really how the song goes but that song was in my head all day yesterday. Because… I lost 6 1/2 lbs this week! That puts me at 356.6 lbs. I started at 399 just a few months ago. Yippee!
Yesterday was my weigh-in day. I was so bummed out when I gained last week, but by God’s strength, He got me through the week without me giving up, and now I’ve got a loss. It makes me thankful that the old Christy has gone by the wayside. If I had just given up, I would have gained and been no better off than before. Here’s to perserverance!
Also, I did go to the gym (which is the main reason I pulled out a big loss), and I loved it! Me and two of my best friends, Danni & Jen went Saturday & Sunday. Saturday, I went in with a positive attitude and decided that if I couldn’t do as much as I did last time I wasn’t going to get discouraged because it had been about 2 months since I had even been to a gym. So I told Jen that my goal for the elliptical was 5 minutes. Well, guess what? I made it 20. And I could have made it longer, I wasn’t even winded. But we moved on to other stuff. So that was a big “Non Scale Victory”*. We did several different workouts, focusing just on total body workout instead of one muscle groups. Then crunches & different exercises with a medicine ball & stretches. Danni’s eyes about popped out of her head when we went to stretch. I am very flexible, especially for a fat girl. I guess it shows fitness doesn’t always have to be dictated by your weight.
Then yesterday, we swam & sat in the steam room for a while. It was great. I just now am sore today. My arms are sore and so is my stomach, but we’re going back tonight. Gotta “work through the burn”. The benefits far outweigh, no pun intended, any minor discomfort I might feel. Me, Danni, and Ace are going to show those people how big kids can work out.
Oh and one more thing. I’m giving up Cheetos. Cold turkey, as Danni pointed out. Yes, I can eat them on Weight Watchers. They are 7.5 points for a bag, but honestly, the further I get in the whole adventure, the more I see that it’s just not worth the points. And it’s about breaking old habits and eating HEALTHY. Remember, just because you can eat it doesn’t mean you should!
* Non Scale Victory, or NSV, is a term we use in Weight Watchers to mark our progress in ways that don’t have to do with what the scale says, like me doing 20 minutes on the elliptical. It can be fitting in a small pair of jeans, fitting in an airplane seat, or anything that lets you know you are making head way.
January
proverbial saddle.
I have to admit that I’m getting addicted to blogging. I’ve always had a blog on my MySpace, but it was always whatever was on my mind. It could be weight loss, the presidential election, or the random blabbering that is my stream of consciousness. But this is different. It’s completely dedicated to my weight loss efforts, and I have to say I love getting the emails, comments, smokesignals with encouraging words and helpful hints. I made myself a promise when I started this to always be honest, not just with my numbers but with my feelings as well. I thought it would at least be a little while before I could see a delineation between happy vs. not-so-peppy posts. But already I can see the difference. But that’s OK. That’s typical. And I guess more than anything, it helps me know I’m being honest and grounded in my efforts.
I’m the new (and probably fattest) member at The Rush, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m going to work-out tonight after I get off work. It’s been a month or two since I’ve been to the gym (I had a membership at another local gym), so I don’t expect to go in and just blow myself away with my stamina. I do expect to blow myself away though with effort. I miss the feeling I used to get in the gym. The high I would get from exercising far surpassed any temporary comfort food used to bring me with none of the guilt. I can’t wait to get that back.
So here’s the other half of the weight loss equation… Pray I don’t break any bones.
January
goodbye.
Goodbye 360’s forever! I’ve been looking forward to getting under 360 since I started, mainly because now I’m smaller than I have been in over 2 years. I weighed this morning and I’m 358.7 lbs.
I CAN beat this, and so can you! Look out, 2009! Here I come!!